I was having a conversation with a friend a few weeks back.
Late forties, sexy, owns a business, and super unlucky with men.
She said that men don’t like women who are independent and secure because most men need to be in control.
Although I have seen this most of my life in many marriages around me, I argued with her for a selfish motive: I needed to believe that equal relationships do exist.
On my way home I called my best friend and asked him what he thought about it and this is what he said:
“Guys aren’t attracted to strong independent women; they prefer them to be weak and insecure because men need to be in control of a relationship. Women who are independent don’t put up with anyone’s shit; they expect more and can leave when they want. Men need to be in control and women need to feel protected. As simple as that.”
He even made a half-joking statement “You would never get along with a regular man.”
Instead of wanting to stab him, I found comfort in the bare thought that it wasn’t a regular man that I was after.
I was safe.
Let’s see what our men in the blogosphere have to say about it.
“Generally I would say no. A woman with low self-esteem has no chance of seducing a man. But I cannot speak of Arab men in general or Lebanese men in particular. I have never lived in this area.”
“Looks like it. We like to be your knight in shining armor. If I might add it seems this is a relationship dynamic that some modern women seem to be getting familiar with and cool about.”
“Men who want to dominate in a relationship prefer to be with insecure women. Men who want a more equal partnership prefer secure, confident women. It generates less drama.”
“All the men I know cannot tolerate a jealous girl. So certain types of insecurity are not attractive. I think some men like to feel needed or important. Emotional security in a woman is a negative trait unless the guy feels that insecurity is helpful for the woman to like him or appreciate him.”
“To be realistic I believe everyone has some insecurity and it is normal. However, if my girlfriend tends to be controlling or abusive, no power on earth will make me want to stay with her.”
“You know Disney didn’t make it all up. Some guys like to be Prince Charming on a white stallion coming to rescue the princess from her tower. I don’t know.”
“Come on, all men are different like all women are different.”
“I prefer my women to be level minded. Someone that doesn’t need a man 80% of the time but not overly independent. Someone who can be there for me in my time of need but who doesn’t need me there all the time. Balance is key.”
“Insecure guys tend to be intimidated by a successful, independent woman, but there are certainly exceptions. Personally, I’ve always been attracted to strong, confident women.”
“Not all men can be with an insecure woman. And it might be reasonable to assume most men would not prefer an insecure woman as this can trigger recurrent problems. Just as most women would not prefer an insecure male either.”
And my favorite of them all: “I can’t stand dependent women or dependent people in general. Nope. Give me a woman with a life!”
However, preference and reality are two separate things.