Sharing a screenshot of my ex-boyfriend calling me (again) with the girls’ group on WhatsApp, my friend said:
“Men can afford the luxury of being persistent without having ego issues. We, poor creatures, can’t. If we feel like seeing the guy, we don’t tell him. We are always on the waiting end. You should write an article about that….”
And an article it is.
Asking random people about their take on the matter, the best quip I heard was: “Life is what happens while you wait for his text.”
I mean come on. Not much has changed since the Middle Ages.
Daniella sharing her sorrow with Filippa, telling her that Andreas hasn’t sent a sealed parchment yet is pretty much the same as disappointed Mona telling Roula that Pierre hasn’t texted yet. It is, isn’t it?
So why in 2015, even the most liberated of all women still waits for a man to text/call/show interest?
Do we women, really want equality on that front?
1, WE (women) WAIT TO PROTECT OUR EGO
1-Taking the initiative for a girl is showing the guy a very easy proof of interest. It’s like taking a jump in the open without a net.
2-Few things in life are as humiliating for a woman as rejection. Yes, it’s also hard for men, but somehow expected (given the fact that they sometimes do it just for fun).
For a woman, it brings a great deal of harm to self-confidence and triggers some serious ego issues.
3-The majority of men assume that women get hit on, even if they’re not particularly attractive. This said, a rejection coming from a man gives a woman the feeling of being less attractive than the least attractive woman. Did I make this point clear enough? Not sure. Hehe.
On the other hand, when a man is rejected by a woman, he’ll call her names and laugh about it over a round of drinks with the guys, whereas a woman rejected by a man, will suffer severe self-confidence issues for a while.
4-Moreover, public opinion -per se, has a tendency to think that women are always trying to “trap” men into marrying them. When a girl is too openly or directly flirting with a man, he’ll get the impression that she is secretly planning the wedding. And this perception of the ambitious girlfriend / future bride is not really flattering, but rather a source of anxiety for guys.
5-To seduce men, we are advised by the experts and by our own past experiences not to reveal our attraction to them, to stay enigmatic and mysterious to keep them on their toes.
2, WE (women) WAIT TO PROTECT YOUR EGO
2015 and the initiative is still left for men.
1-When a man gets hit on too openly, he wouldn’t actually know how to react.
2-Some men will have the impression of being robbed of their dominant male role, being demoted to the status of “prey”. We know that a man’s dominant male ego needs to conquer, to be then able to boast for having caught some fish in his nets. Hitting on a man, picking a man, will be a bit like emasculating him, spoiling all the fun for him.
**Because yes, it’s all about men**
3-We women also want men to make some efforts to get to date us. Or else we won’t feel as precious. In his eyes, first, because the human being tends to determine the value of something based on the efforts he shows to get it. And in our own eyes, too, because we have always heard that we had to play hard to get.
Bottom line, here’s what I learned, and here’s why I am really convinced that men should be the ones to initiate things. I, personally, don’t want this type of equality.
1-Because of a given, a given we can’t change no matter what “men LOVE no strings attached relationships and women CRAVE stable relationships”, NO WOMAN SHOULD EVER INITIATE CONTACT.
2-Men often give mixed signals. And we, over-thinkers that we are, sit with the girls and reiterate every word: “first he said X, but then he said Y”. “But he called me that day twice and said XX”… blah, blah blah.
If you find yourself questioning his level of interest please DON’T TEXT HIM. Been there, done that. What a man says is NOT an indicator of his interest. It’s what he does.
3-A man might smile at you every single time he sees you at Starbucks/a bar. If he doesn’t initiate contact, he isn’t into you enough. DON’T COME ANYWHERE NEAR HIM.
4-A man might say he wants to see you, but unless he calls to set up a date, he isn’t into you enough. He did call you to set up the first date, didn’t he? What stopped him then? DON’T CALL OR TEXT HIM.
5-A guy is never too shy/busy/whatever. I see how guys sitting at bars keep an eye on their phones and even take their phones with them to the loo. DON’T CALL OR TEXT HIM.
So yeah. Want to take the initiative? Better not deny you this privilege. Quite the opposite, actually. Prove to me you’re really interested. But hey, I won’t wait long. Patience is not my greatest virtue.