JEALOUSY IS NOT FOR ME
“If he/she likes me then he/she will inevitably, naturally show a little jealousy.”
The worldwide concept of jealousy is of course also part of our society’s fabric. We even have an Arabic proverb dedicated to jealousy, and I translate “he who doesn’t get jealous is a total idiot.” (I feel so bad insulting the poor animal).
Which would imply that jealousy is a manifestation of love and its absence would mean total indifference.
On the other hand, the common belief recognizes that the essential foundation of love is trust.
But then, if we truly trust the other person and the love he/she feels for us, why would we even feel jealous? Given the fact that jealousy always holds within its wings a shitload of doubt.
All of this is very paradoxical and also very inconsistent.
After long meditations around the topic of jealousy, I can state three big truths:
1- If I don’t trust my partner, I don’t see why I should stay with him.
2- If he loves me and cares for me and for my wellbeing, he shouldn’t give me a reason to feel jealous.
3- I feel jealous because I am afraid of losing the object of my love, not to sickness or death, but to a rival. But if the object of my love doesn’t care about losing me, why would I care about losing him?
But again, that’s only me. And truth being super relative as a concept, I am not preaching here, or dictating a certain behavior. It’s just my take on the matter. #JMTOTM
But don’t get me wrong, I like the cute type of jealousy. There’s nothing more touching than seeing my boyfriend possessively putting his arm around my waist as he sees a guy hitting on me at a dinner, for example. But that’s about it.
I’m an emotional person. Sometimes it can be great, I feel overwhelmed by happiness, other times I can weep for days over a particularly bittersweet movie. But it’s now under control. I got used to swinging between two states.
But just as much as I hate gaining weight, being jealous is something I make a real effort not to indulge in. It’s understandable to feel insecure or worried or threatened. We are only human, and humans feel things that aren’t always grand. But jealousy shouldn’t be one of those feelings.
Let’s go back in time to when I was in love, back in 2011.
I remember what I was wearing that night. All bubbly and happy to be alive (it was summer of course); I was having drinks at one of the popular summer rooftops of Beirut. A woman steps in, heads to our table- only to piss me off, I get to learn later, by sending messages about my boyfriend, and alluding to him in every way possible.
I was honestly taken by surprise. We were great together. I trusted him and he never gave me a reason not to. He was happy with me too.
I instantly messaged him. He ignored my questions. And for the two weeks that followed, he kept honestly ignoring them, choosing the ostrich policy instead.
Until I decided to break up with him. I couldn’t trust a man who never gave me an explanation, who never even tried to pull me out of my misery. Instead, he enjoyed the ugly state of mind he put me through by ignoring my questions about that woman.
During these two weeks I lost weight and sleep. And then I decided to leave him, and leave that feeling/emotion of jealousy to others. Jealousy is ugly. It’s poisonous. I am not a jealous person and this emotion doesn’t feel good under my skin.
And this is not how I show I care. Not at all! If he wants to feel manly, satisfy his ego, play a domination role on me by literally taking pleasure out of this emotion he put me through, then he’s an insecure man, and not the manly guy I fell for.
Ego is one of the enemies of love. People tend to forget that.
« A Relationship is made for two, but some b* (men and women) don’t know how to count. »
Many men and women don’t respect the “couple”. They flirt with the one they like, even if he’s in a relationship, engaged, or married. That we know. It’s however up to the one who’s in the relationship to put the barriers and set the limits.
If your girlfriend doesn’t respect you but instead keeps her options open, would you want to have a meaningful relationship with her?
And it’s not about self-confidence. It’s about respect.
It’s true that with the advent of social media, it became easier for people to hit on each other and flirt with each other with little consideration to anyone else’s feelings. Let’s imagine that there is a vending machine, okay (If we want to stretch this analogy to the maximum extent of elasticity) and we place all of those flirtatious people in a vending machine.
Yes the item is there, but it would never get out of there unless you insert a coin, would it?
Have a beautiful day.