Modern Romance or Dating 2.0
Never in the history of humanity, has there been so many tools to meet someone.
And yet, the fact remains that:
YOU ARE STILL SINGLE.
One of the real pleasures of my life is a good book.
A book on modern dating? Double the pleasure.
When my future sister-in-law offered me Modern Romance by comedian Aziz Ansari, written with the sociologist Eric Klinenberg, little did I know that the book would so wholeheartedly explore everything I knew by intuition, so loud and so clear, backed by facts and figures, and supported by research and studies.
Such a gem. It’s a book I want to hug. Ansari draws a hilarious and yet so accurate portrait of a generation that lost the habit of talking and maybe the habit of loving, too.
I loved everything about this book. Modern Romance is my fav book for 2015!!!
1- Everything we talk about over drinks was researched!
I loved the fact that Ansari took dating seriously enough to conduct real research and ask plenty of specialists. If some things appeared to be fairly obvious (people now marry later because of women’s freedom and independence), some revelations about dating around the world totally dumbfounded me. I was also fascinated by the worldwide reaction/tension vis-à-vis texting: the unsolvable who texts first dilemma, and how much time should one wait in between texts.
2- We will NEVER be sure to have made the right choice.
Nobody in the history of humanity ever had to make a choice out of so many dating options and with expectations as high.
Ansari interviewed old people in retirement homes in New York, asking them how they picked their lifetime partners back then:
-“He had a good job.”
-“She seemed nice.”
Today expectations soared, became totally surreal. We want the perfect person. We keep thinking there is a more perfect someone somewhere. What the book calls “The recipe for unhappiness,” coined by psychologist Barry Schwartz who spent his career trying to prove that abundance of choice creates indecision (sometimes) and dissatisfaction (always).
Tinders a bell?
3- So many choices and yet, no one we really want to get to know more.
Aziz talks about an endless series of first dates.
We go on first dates. And that’s it.
Instead of taking it to the next, third, fourth and fifth date, we don’t really invest in getting to know a person. Before we make it to the next date, we move on to the next first date.
4- Most of the people give up after a few messages.
Singles using dating sites and dating apps like happn or Tinder are in fact “exhausted” by this “full time job”.
Ansari’s wise advice?
After a few messages and once the conversation starts, let go of the screen and go meet him/her in person.
5- People want passionate love all the time.
It’s no secret to anyone that passionate love lasts 18 months, and then turns into what Ansari calls “companionate love”.
The problem is that human beings crave passion. Many prefer to live a life where they accumulate passionate love episodes, instead of living a complete love story where passionate love ends giving birth to companionate love, a type of love based on understanding, stability, wrapped in warmth, intimacy and tender feelings.
I end this post with my fav quote from the book that meets my own beliefs:
“There’s something uniquely valuable in everyone, and we’ll be much happier and better off if we invest the time and energy it takes to find it.”
It’s the wisdom of the Little Prince. But people prefer to nag about it than do something about it, don’t they?