My Thank You Notes to 2016*

My Thank You Notes to 2016*

*à la Jimmy Fallon

 

Thank you 2016.

Thank you for the crash course in space management/symmetry/picotage. Yes. There was a corner left intact in my heart. Now it’s all pierced like a decent chunk of Swiss cheese.

Thank you 2016.

Thank you for going the extra mile to prove to me that Murphy’s Law is not a mere urban myth. Hell yeah. This thing is for real. I can- in one single morning, have a car accident, food poisoning, break my leg, and hurt my face when a clumsy salesperson tries to get something off the high shelf for me, but instead gets the high shelf straight between my eyebrows, right inside the retina of my third eye.

Thank you 2016.

Thank you for all the unnecessary lessons that I learned this year. And I am not talking about my Portuguese for Beginners app that I am paying 30 US dollars every month, while all I can manage to say is bom dia, meu amor, tchau lindo and obrigada.

Thank you 2016.

Thank you for turning me into a psychologist minus the diploma. Hum let’s see. Why did Mark behave as such with me? Dig dig. He never mentions his father. He has father issues. Yes. This must be it. It’s not me, it’s the issues.

Why did Mustapha act so weird on our last date? Dig dig. Oh wait. Someone told me that his ex-wife cheated on him with their driver. And I did joke with the valet while waiting for my car, the last time we’ve been together. That must be it! It’s not me, it’s the issues.

Thank you 2016.

Thank you for proving, once again, that I should have listened to my gut all the way. Why did I shut this tiny voice up? Wait… did I say tiny? It was on speakers full blast, silly girl! BOSE speakers! Forgive me gut, I shall listen to you more from now on.

Thank you 2016.

Thank you for the perverted strategy to destroy my ego and show me that I am not the center of the universe. Thank you for sitting me for three hours with a bottle of wine and a date who knows I am not the center of the universe, because HE is the center of the universe. Who else?! After twelve selfies and 22 velfies my date sent me during the day, in preparation for our night out – and being a huge abuser of selfies and the like myself, I washed away the thought that there might be some kind of narcissism there and decided to think of it as ‘cute’.

When I first met the guy he hit me as a super mature man, someone who inspires trust and makes a woman feel like a woman with thoughtful attention to details and the rest of the saga seduções. (One additional Portuguese word, yay.) Except that, his favorite topic was “ME ME ME”. Naturally, what followed was a 50 minute monologue until the steak was rare enough to match his persona. 50 minutes during which I was only able to insert two words: ‘advertising’, ‘writing’, and two ‘hehes’. Om nom nom. Another 60 minutes monologuing, and then it was time to call it a night.

 

And on this note, I will call it a year.

A year of disappointment yes. But also a year of revelations, personal challenges and unexpected inner strength. And most of all, a year of pride. I still genuinely manage to laugh about it all with the girls on our Happy Hours that become Happy Evenings, and that’s all that matters to me.

Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”

I have never mastered the art of resorting to a cheat sheet. Always learned it the hard way. I wanted the lessons, not the grades. So thank you, 2016. And I mean it! Thank you for the pain and thank you for the cure. The new holes in my heart will aerate it and help it breathe, I am positive about that.

And once again, I pack up my feelings into a tiny shoe box and store them somewhere in my chest drawers, as I bravely move towards 2017, holeheartedly.

Let’s go!

 

 

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lara - December 8, 2016 Reply

special didi!

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